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Published On: Oct 04, 2007 11:56 AM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Oct 04, 2007 11:56 AM
Insights After 10 Years of Marriage
There are many people out there who have been
married longer than Brian and I have. (And I would like to hear their insights
on what they have learned from their marriages! I know that there is always more
that you can learn!)
In the meanwhile here are a few things that I have learned from my marriage in the past 10 years:
1) You cannot tell a man what to do. You can try to persuade him and try to direct him--but don't even bother telling him what to do! Realize that each person has their own life and their own free will.
2) You have to work hard for marriage to work. When I got married I thought that being in love was enough and everything would just work itself out. "All we need is love"--I thought. Now love is good--don't get me wrong. But you also need sweat and tears (hopefully not blood) to keep your marriage on course. It takes a lot of time and effort. Anyone who tells you otherwise is deluding you.
3) Marriage takes a lot of faith and trust. Vivian is a lady at my work and she has been married over 20 years. She said after they were married her husband lost his ring while swimming. I asked her if they replaced it. "No", she said. "A ring is just a ring. You have to trust your spouse and that is always more important than a ring. "
4) One of the biggest strains on a marriage is children. I used to think money or communication were the two biggest factors in ending a marriage. Personally, I would have to put children above them (at least in my marriage.) I was surprised to find that the majority of the divorces were right after the birth of the first child. And even more surprising is that the marriages that survived the first child were more likely to continue on without divorce! I suppose it is a given that children will put a major impediment to your sex life. I just don't think that people realize how much of an impediment it is. Then you need to add the many months of sleep deprivation that newborns put you through and you can start to see why parents can get into some major quarrels. I really have to question Mother Nature's judgment of putting two sleep deprived adults in charge of a young infant. What was she thinking? :-) OK. So children hamper sex and sleep--what else? Well, they also take a GREAT deal of time and of course that time is time taken away from your marriage. Many people find that they lose sight of "us" as they meander the many by-ways of life.
5) Realize that it is the two of you and that you are in this together for the rest of your life. Make a commitment for your entire lives. It's not something to be taken lightly. :-)
In the meanwhile here are a few things that I have learned from my marriage in the past 10 years:
1) You cannot tell a man what to do. You can try to persuade him and try to direct him--but don't even bother telling him what to do! Realize that each person has their own life and their own free will.
2) You have to work hard for marriage to work. When I got married I thought that being in love was enough and everything would just work itself out. "All we need is love"--I thought. Now love is good--don't get me wrong. But you also need sweat and tears (hopefully not blood) to keep your marriage on course. It takes a lot of time and effort. Anyone who tells you otherwise is deluding you.
3) Marriage takes a lot of faith and trust. Vivian is a lady at my work and she has been married over 20 years. She said after they were married her husband lost his ring while swimming. I asked her if they replaced it. "No", she said. "A ring is just a ring. You have to trust your spouse and that is always more important than a ring. "
4) One of the biggest strains on a marriage is children. I used to think money or communication were the two biggest factors in ending a marriage. Personally, I would have to put children above them (at least in my marriage.) I was surprised to find that the majority of the divorces were right after the birth of the first child. And even more surprising is that the marriages that survived the first child were more likely to continue on without divorce! I suppose it is a given that children will put a major impediment to your sex life. I just don't think that people realize how much of an impediment it is. Then you need to add the many months of sleep deprivation that newborns put you through and you can start to see why parents can get into some major quarrels. I really have to question Mother Nature's judgment of putting two sleep deprived adults in charge of a young infant. What was she thinking? :-) OK. So children hamper sex and sleep--what else? Well, they also take a GREAT deal of time and of course that time is time taken away from your marriage. Many people find that they lose sight of "us" as they meander the many by-ways of life.
5) Realize that it is the two of you and that you are in this together for the rest of your life. Make a commitment for your entire lives. It's not something to be taken lightly. :-)
Posted: Thu - October 4, 2007 at 11:50 AM