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Published On: Mar 17, 2007 02:40 PM
Total entries in this category:
Published On: Mar 17, 2007 02:40 PM
To Have More Kids or Not to Have More Kids...
Oh that dreaded question, "Are you going to have
another kid?"
The question is always the same and tends to be
repeated about once a week:
"Are you going to have another kid?"
Now my first immediate response (which wouldn't be politically correct) is, "Are you crazy? Why would I do that?" However, since that response isn't the most sensitive way to respond I have come up with a list of things that I generally say under these circumstances. Now I do want to be very clear, I love my daughter dearly and I cannot imagine now what life would be like without her. She has greatly enriched my life--while at the same time complicating it, giving me added stress and an additional financial burden. I wouldn't trade her for the world. But I can only handle so much and I think that I have reached my limit. As I have mentioned before I am a single parent right now. Why on Earth would I want to add another kid into the picture at the moment?
I suppose the questions, especially from the relatives have become more and more poignant these days. The simple fact of the matter is that I am about to turn 36. The amount of years that I have left where I have a reasonable chance of giving birth to a healthy baby are quickly diminishing. In fact after I turned 32 the chances of me giving birth to a child with downs syndrome started to increase dramatically. So many well-meaning relatives are trying to subtly hint to me that I don't have a lot of time left and that if I'm going to have another kid. I better get cracking. (Now my husband is currently in NC--which complicates such a task greatly--but that's another matter!)
They are right, I don't have much time left. But I already decided long ago... One is enough for me!
#1: I'm a major stress case right now. Why would I want to add to my current stresses by throwing another baby into the picture? I'm currently a full-time working single parent. Isn't that enough stress to throw on one person? How on Earth could I work full-time (I am the main wage earner in my house) and have another kid. I'm an independent contractor. It's not as if I can get maternity leave. If I don't work--I don't get paid. That's the facts. I actually look in envy at other moms who don't have to work. They can take care of their kids all day long and they don't have to deal with the stresses of where the money is coming for the next mortgage payment. I don't have that luxury.
#2: Up until my husband joined the Army we only had catastrophic health insurance. Simply trying to pay for a birth at a hospital would have financially destroyed us. Even when we had health insurance it cost us $5000 when I gave birth to Laurana (via C-section) in the year 2000. How much would it cost with catastrophic coverage? My husband went to the hospital last year with Kidney Stones. We were stuck with a bill for $2,600. And this was simply for a routine X-Ray and Cat-Scan. (Our health insurance covered $40 of the bill!) Sorry, I can't even afford to give birth with the outrageous hospital costs that are so common to our society now.
#3: Unless you have been pregnant you have no idea what you are asking when you say, "Why not have another child". Another kid? Gee, do I want to go through the pain of birth again? Do I want someone to cut open my tummy again? Do I want to spend 8 weeks recovering from abdominal surgery (while at the same time taking care of a helpless infant)? Do I want to have bladder control problems again? Do I want to waddle like a penguin and look like someone shoved a watermelon into my tummy? Do I want to gain weight that I will probably never lose? Hey, I love my daughter and going through it all was worth it. But that doesn't mean that I want to go through it again. Women get pregnant a second time because they either: Forgot what it was really like or they were too worn out and tired from taking care of their kids to tell Dad to put a condom on. (Honest, I'm not joking--that's what all of my girlfriend's tell me...)
#4: I guess the final reason is that I am OK with simply one kid. I am glad that I gave birth. I have grown immensely as a human being just by giving birth to a child. I love her more than anything else in the world. But you know, I want a life too. I want to do the things I used to do before I gave birth--for example going out and having a social life. My life revolves around my daughter now and it would be nice for a change of pace.
Kids are great. I just don't want a second helping!
"Are you going to have another kid?"
Now my first immediate response (which wouldn't be politically correct) is, "Are you crazy? Why would I do that?" However, since that response isn't the most sensitive way to respond I have come up with a list of things that I generally say under these circumstances. Now I do want to be very clear, I love my daughter dearly and I cannot imagine now what life would be like without her. She has greatly enriched my life--while at the same time complicating it, giving me added stress and an additional financial burden. I wouldn't trade her for the world. But I can only handle so much and I think that I have reached my limit. As I have mentioned before I am a single parent right now. Why on Earth would I want to add another kid into the picture at the moment?
I suppose the questions, especially from the relatives have become more and more poignant these days. The simple fact of the matter is that I am about to turn 36. The amount of years that I have left where I have a reasonable chance of giving birth to a healthy baby are quickly diminishing. In fact after I turned 32 the chances of me giving birth to a child with downs syndrome started to increase dramatically. So many well-meaning relatives are trying to subtly hint to me that I don't have a lot of time left and that if I'm going to have another kid. I better get cracking. (Now my husband is currently in NC--which complicates such a task greatly--but that's another matter!)
They are right, I don't have much time left. But I already decided long ago... One is enough for me!
#1: I'm a major stress case right now. Why would I want to add to my current stresses by throwing another baby into the picture? I'm currently a full-time working single parent. Isn't that enough stress to throw on one person? How on Earth could I work full-time (I am the main wage earner in my house) and have another kid. I'm an independent contractor. It's not as if I can get maternity leave. If I don't work--I don't get paid. That's the facts. I actually look in envy at other moms who don't have to work. They can take care of their kids all day long and they don't have to deal with the stresses of where the money is coming for the next mortgage payment. I don't have that luxury.
#2: Up until my husband joined the Army we only had catastrophic health insurance. Simply trying to pay for a birth at a hospital would have financially destroyed us. Even when we had health insurance it cost us $5000 when I gave birth to Laurana (via C-section) in the year 2000. How much would it cost with catastrophic coverage? My husband went to the hospital last year with Kidney Stones. We were stuck with a bill for $2,600. And this was simply for a routine X-Ray and Cat-Scan. (Our health insurance covered $40 of the bill!) Sorry, I can't even afford to give birth with the outrageous hospital costs that are so common to our society now.
#3: Unless you have been pregnant you have no idea what you are asking when you say, "Why not have another child". Another kid? Gee, do I want to go through the pain of birth again? Do I want someone to cut open my tummy again? Do I want to spend 8 weeks recovering from abdominal surgery (while at the same time taking care of a helpless infant)? Do I want to have bladder control problems again? Do I want to waddle like a penguin and look like someone shoved a watermelon into my tummy? Do I want to gain weight that I will probably never lose? Hey, I love my daughter and going through it all was worth it. But that doesn't mean that I want to go through it again. Women get pregnant a second time because they either: Forgot what it was really like or they were too worn out and tired from taking care of their kids to tell Dad to put a condom on. (Honest, I'm not joking--that's what all of my girlfriend's tell me...)
#4: I guess the final reason is that I am OK with simply one kid. I am glad that I gave birth. I have grown immensely as a human being just by giving birth to a child. I love her more than anything else in the world. But you know, I want a life too. I want to do the things I used to do before I gave birth--for example going out and having a social life. My life revolves around my daughter now and it would be nice for a change of pace.
Kids are great. I just don't want a second helping!
Posted: Fri - May 26, 2006 at 10:46 AM